


Small Bump

by foreverandalwaysvictorious



Category: Dynasty (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fallon might be OOC but it works for the idea, Miscarriage, mentions of illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:33:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26288050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverandalwaysvictorious/pseuds/foreverandalwaysvictorious
Summary: "The past few months felt like a dream, or rather a nightmare when she took everything that had happened into consideration."
Relationships: Kirby Anders/Fallon Carrington
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20
Collections: Pillow





	Small Bump

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah....so this happened. I was in a weird place the past few months. This was my original idea for the prompt, but I was worried about it being too dark. Then I got re-inspired and encouraged to do it, so here it is. 
> 
> Named after the Ed Sheeran song of the same title because I'm unoriginal and boring and it relates to the subject matter.

Under the cover of darkness, Fallon’s grayish blue eyes stayed wide open, intensely focused on a spot on the ceiling, while she wished she could get the rest that she desperately needed. She looked to her left to see Kirby sleeping peacefully, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest beneath the sheets. Unlike her, the redhead seemed to be having an easier time of processing her emotions. Fallon was never able to sleep for more than a few hours in the months prior to one of the worst days of her life, whether it be from pain or anxiety, but now she found it impossible when the silence of night fell over their home. The thoughts of what could have been in her future kept her up. She had followed all the instructions, taken all the medications prescribed, the collection of pill bottles still scattered on her bedside table a somber reminder of what her body was incapable of doing on its own. She tossed and turned, trying to force herself back to sleep, but no amount of breathing exercises or counting backwards from one hundred could calm her mind. The past few months felt like a dream, or rather a nightmare when she took everything that had happened into consideration.

* * *

They had been ecstatic to find out she was pregnant one week in July, one of the embryos from the procedure taking on their first try. As she went in for her first set of appointments, everything seemed to be progressing naturally and on schedule. That was the last time she remembered having any sense of normalcy in her life.

First came the nausea. Her “morning” sickness was almost unbearable for the better part of the first trimester. She spent most of her time between sleeping among a pile of overstuffed pillows or the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. She tried to squeeze in work when she could, simple tasks that didn’t require rapt attention or her executive opinion but put Kirby in charge on the days her symptoms overwhelmed her. No matter how exhausted she felt, she knew this small amount of suffering would be worth it in the long run.

Then came the hypertension. Once she was well enough to get through the day without feeling like her stomach would rebel at the slightest change, she went back to the office, spending long hours catching up on the stacks of paperwork that littered her desk and meetings that had previously been postponed. Her blood pressure had spiked, exacerbated by the stress of owning and running multiple business operations. She wanted to prove she could have a career and a family, be the woman that could do it all. The dizzy spells that came as a side effect of the medication she was taking were the final straw, causing her productivity levels to dip to new lows.

Her doctor recommended it would be best if she stayed home, away from any triggers that could cause her condition to worsen. There were very few people she trusted who could keep the company afloat without her, but she reluctantly made some calls to find herself a temporary replacement. The recommendation turned into a mandatory bed rest order a few weeks later, which was concerning to the couple, but the doctors reassured them that everything still looked normal. Fallon needed to prioritize her own health and learn to relax, a word that she had written out of her vocabulary long ago. She had tried more than once to sneak a look at profit graphs or quietly drop into business meetings over the phone. Kirby finally caught onto her, seeing the glow of the screen as they laid together in bed one night. She had all but wrestled the device away, locking it in a nearby drawer for safekeeping and hiding the key.

Once business was completely off the table, Fallon found other ways to keep herself busy during the day, from building a registry to planning her upcoming baby shower. Unfortunately, when night came, she felt restless. The anxiety of her precarious health situation kept her up at most times. She knew worrying would only complicate things further and become detrimental to the health of the baby, so she did her best to calm down, investing in a variety of apps that had deep breathing routines and meditation exercises.

Two weeks into bedrest, waking up started to feel like a chore. There were only so many times she could flip through  _ What to Expect When You’re Expecting _ or peruse their streaming subscriptions in the hopes that something would pique her interest. She was the farthest from feeling like herself, both physically and mentally. She felt like a prisoner in her own home and body, not allowed to leave besides the occasional doctor’s appointments. Her identity that was wrapped up in work felt like it was slowly being stripped away by the looming future of motherhood. She wasn’t worried about keeping the balance once the baby was finally there but being unable to do much else but wait for that day was driving her insane.

Then came the pain. For all the time she was spending doing nothing, it didn’t make sense. She felt like she had just participated in an intense session of Pilates, every nerve on fire with sensation. Her lovely wife would run her a warm bath and offer massages when she could, which would soothe her tender muscles for a short period of time, but never completely rid her of the soreness. When nothing would help the throbbing ache she felt in her lower back, they ended up at the hospital only to have their worst fears brought to life. All the time spent resting, waiting, and planning would be for nothing.

Family and friends offered their condolences in the following days. Kirby worked tirelessly, fielding the slew of phone calls and visitors single handedly so Fallon could rest. If she thought she felt miserable before, it was nothing compared to now. The heartbreak of loss was overwhelming. Some days she would scream and cry; others she felt completely numb. Even as she started to feel physically better, she wasn’t in the mood for company, pushing away everyone who tried to contact her.

Even Kirby, who had been there for her through it all, was grating on her nerves. She recoiled at the slightest comforting touch and ignored her wife’s many attempts to get her to go outside or eat a decent meal. Things between them were so tense at one point that they found it hard to be in the same room together, Kirby opting to sleep in the guest bedroom for a week. She tried to find someone to blame for her pain and suffering to try and make it all go away, but it always came back to her, what she thought she did or didn’t do right.

* * *

So here she was, again with her running thoughts. Knowing it was going to be another sleepless night, she quietly slid out of bed, careful not to wake the woman beside her as she went to the closet to search for her robe and slippers. She wandered out of their bedroom into the hallway before ending up at the room that was formerly the nursery. Turning the switch of a lamp located on top of a dresser, pale-yellow walls became warm and welcoming in the glow of the dim light. She stopped to admire the hand painted mural on the far wall, filled with wild animals of all shapes and sizes, while letting her hand run over the wood of an empty crib. Maybe they had been too eager, too excited, and ready to welcome a new family member into their life, quickly preparing the once empty room for their arrival.

Once she made her way to the other side of the room, she pulled back the sheer curtain covering the closet to reveal all the carefully made stacks of clothes among other supplies and toys. Folding tiny onesies had been one of the more enjoyable tasks that kept her busy at one point in her bed rest order.

Lowering herself slowly onto the ground in front of the space, she began rummaging around, pulling assorted unopened boxes and bags into the room until she found the item she was looking for. Despite Kirby’s constant fussing over cataloging every item they had more than once, she had been able to keep this one hidden, the large paper bag stuffed in such a way that it barely fit in a small cubbyhole in the corner. She brought it with her to the rocking chair on the other side of the room, the crinkling piercing the silence of the night when she opened it to pull out the object inside: a lopsided pillow she had attempted to crochet.

It was out of character for her to be the crafty type, always finding it easier to pay someone to create the things she saw on Pinterest instead of learning herself. But as the days went on where she couldn’t do much besides sit around, she was growing increasingly fidgety, needing something to keep her hands and brain occupied.

Kirby had told her the phone was off limits, to be used for emergencies only, to keep her from spiraling into work again. To Fallon, being bored out of her mind was definitely an emergency, so she called Sam, who sounded almost too eager to make the trip for supplies. As soon as she hung up, she sent him a list of everything she wanted with corresponding pictures to match, from fuzzy yarn to different sizes of hooks.

After spending an entire day reading online tutorials and watching countless videos, she was capable of creating a single chain stitch, which promptly unraveled when she accidentally let the hook slip out of place. It didn’t upset her as much as she thought it would since she had plenty of time to keep trying.

She took it slow, having nothing but time to devote to the simple pattern she had picked. Sometimes when she couldn’t sleep, she found her thoughts drifting to the unfinished project and would get up to complete a few more rows. For a first attempt, it wasn’t half bad. It wasn’t an art piece worthy of being featured in a gallery, but she had been proud of the finished product, nonetheless.

She looked at the bag, realizing she still had a stockpile of yarn that she wasn’t sure what to do with. She had lost all motivation to master the skill once everything had happened. Ideas for future projects such as blankets, hats, and socks were no longer appealing.

“Can’t sleep?” She looked up to see Kirby leaning against the doorframe, her hair messily tossed into a bun on top of her head.

Fallon scoffed and shook her head. They both knew she hadn’t been able to sleep well for a long time.

“Me neither, especially when I have the whole bed to myself.” She crossed the threshold into the room, taking her time to look around and admire the work they had put into it. Her eyebrow furrowed as her line of sight focused in on the object laying in Fallon’s lap. “What’s that?” she asked, nodding her head towards it.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” the brunette said, dismissively tossing the object over to Kirby, who had seconds to react and grab it from the air before it fell to the ground. “I taught myself how to crochet because I had nothing else useful to do. That is the disaster piece that came out of it.”

She had obviously put effort into it. There were rows where the stitches were bunched, almost knotted from being pulled too tight. Others had strands of yarn hanging in short loops that could get easily caught on fingers or furniture, causing the entire thing to unravel if something pulled. She was fairly sure she had miscounted stitches more than once which led to its abstract shape.

“I know, it’s ugly,” she groaned through cupped hands that covered her face in shame of the mess she had created.

“Well physically it is a bit…deformed,” Kirby said with a giggle, pulling at one bundle of stitches to try and loosen it. “But you know what? I think it’s beautiful because I know you made it out of love.”

The redhead rolled the object over in her hands, biting her lip in thought before hesitantly asking her question.

“Do you think this would help? Like if you brought this to bed with you, would you be able to sleep?”

Fallon was surprised at the suggestion, having never considered it before. She thought just being in the nursery was enough to calm her nerves, letting her get back to sleep after spending some time in the comfy space, until she realized why she was always in the room: she was in the process of crafting the pillow.

“Worth a try?” Kirby asked again as she passed the plush object back to the brunette. Fallon nodded in response, letting her wife take her free hand and help her up from the chair.

They walked back to the bedroom together, sliding back under the sheets on their respective sides. Fallon tucked the pillow carefully under her arm as she laid on her side, cradling it to her chest and letting her eyes fall closed. She focused on her breathing, five seconds in, five seconds out. In, out. In, out. In, out…

She slept peacefully for the first time in months.

The pillow found a proper home in their bedroom, no longer hidden away in the closet. She didn’t sleep with it every night, but it was there for her when the spiraling thoughts crept into her head. It was a ritual for Fallon to give it a squeeze for good luck before a big meeting or if she was feeling especially anxious. She had caught Kirby sleeping with it on more than one occasion, including when she came home late from business trips. It served an unintended purpose of healing their broken hearts and filling the void of the child that should have been there instead.

* * *

_ Two years later _

__

“Stay here while Mommy finishes getting ready,” Fallon told the little girl in her arms as she set her down among the mountain of throw pillows on their bed. “Mama should be out of the shower soon, then we can go to the park and feed the duckies.”

She sat down at the vanity to put the final touches on her makeup, checking every few seconds to make sure the baby was still okay. Fallon was an overprotective mother, always hovering over Carmandy in anticipation of disaster, but she had learned to let go little by little, trusting that instincts would take effect when she needed them most.

Even though she sat comfortably upright against the larger pillows with a teddy bear to keep her company, Carmandy was still curious of her surroundings, wanting to explore the expanse of the plush surface. She pushed herself onto her hands and knees, crawling in pursuit of a specific object that had caught her eye, lying near the corner. When she had successfully made it to her destination, she reached out, grabbing a loose strand of yarn on the pillow to pull it closer to her body. Little fingers threaded themselves through the open holes as soft gums latched onto a corner to suck on.

Fallon glanced back to check again; her hands busy with attaching an earring when she noticed what her little girl had found. She stood up in a rush, swiftly covering the distance between the vanity and the bed.

“Careful! Mommy made that and she probably will never be able to do something like it again.” She frantically snatched the pillow out of Carmandy’s grasp, immediately running her hands over the surface, surveying it for any signs of damage.

When the realization of what she had done hit her, she quickly snapped back to reality, eyes darting between the pillow that was now in her hand and her baby girl, face scrunched in frustration as her aqua eyes started to well up with tears.

“Shh shh shh. No, honey, don’t cry. Here. You can have it.” She waved the pillow to catch her daughter’s attention, hoping to quell the tantrum before it reached explosive proportions. Carmandy started to calm down at the sight of the peace offering, stretching for the object with fingers spread wide as her hands grabbed onto it once again.

At that moment, Kirby came into the room to see Fallon struggling to soothe their child, carrying the girl in one arm while still clutching the pillow close to her chest in the other.

“Did someone find our special keepsake?” she asked the baby with a smile, letting her hand run over the wispy blonde strands of hair that were starting to grow.

“And Mommy might have had a minor freak out,” Fallon mentioned as she readjusted the baby on her hip, “but it’s okay. We’re good now.”

“Are you sure?” the redhead asked with concern. She saw the bear that had been left on the bed and gestured towards it. “I can provide a distraction to make the swap.”

Fallon looked down, noticing how cute her baby girl looked, eyes full of wonder as she played with the fuzzy strands of yarn, trying to bring them back into her mouth.

“Well, I did make the pillow for the baby, didn’t I?” she smirked at Kirby who visibly relaxed at the way her wife was able to let go of the emotions surrounding the object.

“And you are my baby,” she told Carmandy, punctuated with a nose boop and a kiss on the top of her head.


End file.
